A Fear of Speaking

A Fear of Speaking

When I was in my teens my step-father took me to Montreal, Canada to watch a Stanley Cup Playoff game. We also watched a game played by two highly passionate but less than famous hockey teams. Their game was actually far more exciting than the pros. Even my dad thought so. Most of our trip took place in sports arenas but Dad and I did do a little site-seeing. I remember going into an amazing gilded cathedral. I hope the hearts of the parishioners were as beautiful as the building they worshipped in. We also went shopping, spent time on an underground train of sorts (at least I remember it being underground), and just looking around. Dad was well travelled and already familiar with Montreal because of previous trips to see his favorite team, the Montreal Canadians play. To me it was an adventure of mammoth proportions. I felt very privileged to be there with my father.

Montreal is in Quebec, the French speaking province of Canada. I loved to hear the people speak. It sounded interesting. I was also very curious about street signs and such. What I was very uncomfortable with, however, was ordering food in the local restaurants. After all, the selections were listed in French,
which was Greek to me. I was afraid if I spoke in a language I did not understand, I would end up with something I did not like. It was a leap of faith to do so, but I asked my father to speak for me.

Years later, I became a citizen of a different kingdom. I was able to understand many of the words when I was first there, but I often did not understand the connotations of those words. The culture there was so different from what I was accustomed to. Some of the residents spoke plain simple language, but put
the words together in a baffling manner. In fact, I remember the King Himself saying, “For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it.” Spending time with Him and reading His book helped me to understand Him better. Others spoke a peculiar, confusing language called ‘Christianese’ (e.g. One of my Sunday school teachers often spoke of the ‘hounds of heaven’, but he was not talking about beagles). The most unique linguistic trait of our kingdom, even today, is that many people communicate in multiple languages which they do not understand. These are not learned languages. They are languages which God fills His children with for the pure communication purposes of the King of Kings; conversations about our hearts and His, known as ‘praying in the Spirit’. These conversations will never result in a message that conflicts with the Bible.

As I considered whether or not to seek the baptism of the Holy Spirit, I was a little afraid of it at first. I did not like the idea of praying when I had no idea what I was asking. “What if I ask God for something I don’t like?” I wondered. Then I thought it through. From scripture, I understood that it would be Holy Spirit praying through me. Surely, He would not ask the Father to do something unpleasant unless it was really needed! Besides, I was mindful of the importance Jesus placed on the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Acts 1:8
(NASB) “…but you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be my witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth.”
I knew my life would be most effective if I trusted Jesus enough to go with His plan. It was a leap of faith to do so, but I asked my Lord to speak through me. I have never regretted it.